Tips For Dating A Recovering Alcoholic Or Addict

If the addiction is treated, however, it’s possible to rebuild trust and intimacy. Keep in mind that even if you have the best of intentions, there’s a good chance your alcoholic partner might not be receptive to your offers of help. After all, most people who struggle with substance abuse are in denial about the severity of their problems, and that’s especially true for functional alcoholics. What the statistics don’t reveal is how many spouses, partners, boyfriends and girlfriends are impacted when the person they are in an intimate relationship with is an alcoholic. Like all types of addiction, struggles with AUD affect not just the alcoholics themselves, but those who are closest to them.

Instead, try to imagine how you would like to be talked to if you were in your loved one’s shoes. Focus on getting your boyfriend to at least talk to a doctor if he won’t talk to you. It is important to set clear boundaries on how you will help and when you will not support problem behaviors like drinking too much.

Happy hour, dinner with wine, and nightcaps are frequent enough on their own, and even more so when love and sex are considered. “Alcohol is everywhere,” says xoJane, with dating profiles, social media, television, and music often presenting drinking as a way to make life easier and happier. Such is the pervasiveness of the presence of alcohol that deliberately steering clear of alcohol on dates might send wrong messages about intentions and interests.

Questions to Ask Before Dating Someone in Recovery

Other signs include if all their outings revolve around alcohol, or if they manage to get drunk even at family gatherings that feature no intoxicating drinks. Have you ever found yourself wondering if you’re dating an alcoholic? That in itself could be the first indicator that your partner may have a drinking problem. But it’s important to know the signs of alcohol addiction. There are many ways in which dating an alcoholic can take a toll on your emotional health and well-being.

Why you shouldn’t date an alcoholic

For abstinent people, this can be especially disappointing. Their sobriety is an achievement, a successful overturning of years of alcoholic behavior. They had to sacrifice a great deal to become healthy again. For a potential romantic partner to be disappointed in this entails a form of rejection of a core component of the person’s identity.

When does drinking become a problem?

You make up excuses to get them out of trouble or repair damaged relationships. You clean them up and take care of them when their substance use has made them sick. You pick up the slack by taking care of the responsibilities they neglect. This kind of codependent behavior can make you feel like you’re helping when you’re actually hurting the addict. Any actions that make it easier for an addict to deny their problems, delay getting help, and continue to use or drink are destructive, even if they are done out of love. Codependency not only hurts the addict, it also hurts you by draining your energy and taxing your emotions.

This literature is consistent with what we saw in our sample of clients on MOUD. Clients who reported an income generating activity had a source of income that could be used to pay for transportation to clinic and they came to the clinic at a consistent time to get to work on time. While the clinic does not help clients to obtain employment directly, they have initiated ways to train clients on job-related skills.

Ask for help — There is absolutely no shame in having an addiction, and there is certainly no shame in loving someone who is struggling with one. You aren’t to blame for your loved one’s drinking problem and you can’t make them change. Consider staging a family meeting or an intervention, but don’t put yourself in a dangerous situation. Offer your support along each step of the recovery journey. Surround yourself with positive influences and people who make you feel good about yourself.

You may want to see an addiction counselor or therapist on your own to rehearse your approach and have a plan in place. Being in a relationship with anyone has the potential to become consuming. To avoid this, make sure that you maintain your own self-care while helping your partner with their own issues. It’s important to remember that self-care is never selfish, as it is necessary for creating healthy relationships and bonds.

For most adults, moderate alcohol use — no more than two drinks a day for men and one for women and older people — is relatively harmless. (A “drink” means 1.5 ounces of spirits, 5 ounces of wine, or 12 ounces of beer, all of which contain 0.5 ounces of alcohol. Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator to learn more about alcohol treatment options and search for quality care near you.

This will also cut off the well meaning drunk people who want to make sure you have a drink if you’re empty handed. When I was younger we threw parties at my house and I was the sober “momma bear” who took care of the drunks. I’d love to meet a guy that doesn’t always want to grab a beer with me. She sounds like she understands what alcoholism is and what is subsequently does to just about everyone in its stratosphere…… You are aware of the situation and how it might affect you and the relationship and that’s great.

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